1. Self-monitoring
Spot early warning signs of anger, to nip it in the bud before it escalates. Fon example, you might notice that your voice begins to change, or that you frown or your muscles tense, when you're beginning to grow angry, or you may think of someone's actions as unjust or in violation of a personal rule.("How dare she say that to me!")
2. Cognitive distancing
Remind yourself that the events themselves don't make you angry, but rather your judgments about them cause the passion. ("I notice that I am telling myself How dare she say that,' and it's that way of looking at things that's causing me to feel angry.")
3. Postponement
Wait until your feelings of anger have naturally abated before you decide how to respond to the situation. Take a breath, walk away, and come back to it a few hours later. If you still feel like you need to do something, then calmly decide upon the best response; otherwise, just let it go and forget about it.
4. Modeling virtue
Ask yourself what a wise person such as Socrates or Zeno would do. What virtues might help you to respond wisely? In your case, it might be easier to think of a role model you're more familiar with, like Marcus Aurelius or someone you've encountered in your own life. ("A wiser person would try to empathize, put themselves in her shoes, and then exercise patience when they're responding....)
5.Functional Analysis
Picture the consequences of following anger versus following reason and exercising virtues such as moderation. ('If I let my anger guide me then I'll probably just yell at her and get into another argument, and things will get a lot worse over time until we're not speaking anymore. If I wait until I've calmed down and then try to listen patiently, though, it might be difficult at first but it will probably start to work better with practice, and once she's calmed down maybe she'll begin listening to my perspective.")
0 Comments