Would you rather be hunted by 2 lions, or 1000 penguins?

NEGI RK Saturday, January 16, 2021

Would you rather be hunted by 2 lions, or 1000 penguins?

I think you know.

Multiple innocuous animals don’t always become exponentially more of a threat than a single innocuous animal.

The only animals I can think of that would be generally harmless alone, but legitimately dangerous in large numbers, are mildly venomous ones like ants, wasps, bees etc., which can attack at once all over my body.

Let’s get into the specifics, though, because:

“If you’re going to answer a question about penguin combat, you might as well be thorough.” — Plato

What kind of penguins?

At one end of the scale, we have the little, or fairy penguin.

Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair.

I know pure physicality is largely redundant for us in the 21st century, but if we, as humans, are unable to fight off something called a fairy penguin, then we need to rethink the evolutionary direction we’re heading.

Quite why you’d want to, is another matter. Little penguins make the world roughly 168% better and they should be cherished.

At the other end, we have the largest (extant) species, the emperor penguin.

No, Timmy isn’t coming out to play today.

This chonky boi can reach around 45 kg (almost 100 lbs), so they’re fairly sizeable, but again…what can it possibly do to you?

In the water it’s a fast and agile hunter of fish, squid and other small aquatic animals like krill…

Strumming my pain with his flippers, ending my life with a peck. Krilling me softly with his beak, krilling me softly…

But we are neither in the water, nor a small aquatic animal.*

*Well, if I’m being chased in the water in Antarctica, penguins are the least of my worries.

On land, however, they’re not quite as graceful, nor particularly intimidating:

This is the last time you embarrass me and our child in public, Charles. I want a divorce.

The thought of 1000 penguins waddling slowly after me does not fill me with dread.

Even if, for some inexplicable reason, I can’t outpace them, they can only shuffle against my leg and peck me two or three at a time, while the others look on, menacingly.

Two lions, on the other hand, is overkill. One lion would be perfectly sufficient to do the job. They’re apex predators that hunt and eat large animals.

It doesn’t mention whether I’m armed or not. I suppose a spear or even a gun would give me a chance, although I have no experience using either and I severely doubt I could shoot both before I had a pair of jaws around my windpipe.

So there we go. For multiple reasons that I probably didn’t need to justify quite so thoroughly, I choose the penguins.

I just hope it isn’t Adélie occurrence.