Why plan to start on Monday, or the beginning of next month? Why not today?
That thought crossed my mind about a year and a half ago. I had just finished the second semester of my Master’s Degree and I had a bit more spare time since I didn’t have to go to class everyday. So I thought, let’s start today.
I had always been overweight. I grew up in New York, not thinking about portion sizes or processed foods because everything that I knew was ‘normal’ to me. I was used to eating beyond being full and my body showed it.
When I was 18 I weighed 100kg (220 pounds) and I knew that it wasn’t healthy. I had been self-conscious about the way I looked since I was 12 and constantly tried excessively exercising during the summers, only to lose a few pounds but gain it back once school started up again in the Autumn.
I went through my undergraduate degree without much change, but my sleep habits became abnormal which worsened my health, as now not only was I indulging in bad eating habits, but I was also running on little to no sleep. Eventually I turned 21 and I added alcohol into the mix, which also didn’t help matters much.
During my undergrad, I had a few relationships, but I found a common theme among the guys I dated. Most of them didn’t want to have a committed relationship with me because of the way I looked. I heard such phrases as, ‘You’d look so much better if you lost weight,’ or ‘I don’t think you should meet my parents, I don’t think my mom would be alright with the way you look.’ I realised I was an embarrassment to them. They didn’t want to be seen dating the ‘fat girl’.
Nevermind the fact that I had straight A’s, was at the top of my class, pursuing two bachelor’s degrees and a minor at once. (BA in Business Administration- Finance and BSc in Economics and a minor in Mathematics). I was a tutor for the university and was regarded highly by my friends and professors.
Nevermind all that. I was still the ‘fat girl’
I studied abroad my during my last year in Australia. I started questioning some of my habits during this period when I met new people from different countries. The challenge about Australia though is that in the cities, restaurants still serve massive portions and they’re not always healthy options. Add on the fact that I didn’t know how to cook really well, I ended up eating out quite a bit, or just stocking up on processed quick meals to have in my dorm.
I got excited about adventuring during this period though. I started exploring and hiking and swimming. I scuba dived for the first time in the Great Barrier Reef, and took a solo trip across the country to Perth and Rottnest Island to see the quokkas. While doing all this I was still obese. I was questioned so often ‘How can you look like that, but still walk for miles or be alright hiking?’
I didn’t have an answer. I liked being active, but I was still overweight.
Fast forward again another few years.
I moved to Ireland to pursue a Master’s Degree in Energy Finance (I can explain what that is another time). At this point I was probably still hovering around 95–100kg and I still barely knew how to cook anything and I had pretty excessive drinking habits.
I lived on campus with a bunch of other international students and that’s where I met my best friend. He was from New Delhi, primarily a vegetarian who ate chicken from time to time with no interest in the over-hearty Irish beef and potatoes served most anywhere.
He cooked his own meals to remind him of home, but consequently, all of his meals were so much healthier than anything I was used to eating.
I had never had any of these dishes before, but I was in heaven.
Simple dishes like dal, poha, mutter mushroom, and aloo gobhi were something new and interesting, let alone dishes like kadhai paneer, homemade chicken curry, rajma and chole.
He liked to experiment with new dishes and I liked to help. I slowly stopped eating red meat and eventually cut off all meat except for chicken and turkey. I incorporated more lentils and vegetables into my diet and I felt fuller for longer.
The end of the second semester is where it all kicked off though. I pulled up a youtube video and worked out in my dorm room, for one hour, and that was the day.
Each day, everyday I worked out for one hour. I mainly did cardio exercises, though I loved the kickboxing ones I found, and I just generally tried to be more active. I walked everywhere and made sure to move more throughout the day.
I felt fantastic, people were noticing that I was looking different, I was looking better.
After a few months I moved off campus and into an apartment with my best friend and another roommate. I kept up my habits when I got my new job and continued to workout.
After losing 20kg I felt confident enough to join the gym. I started lifting weights and trying to find the right routine which would let me feel good.
11 months into my journey I went hiking. Like proper hiking in the fjords in Norway. It was a 10 day camping trip where I lived out of a car and cooked baked beans over a fire. It was the last push I needed to reach my weight goal.
When I got back from the trip I weighed myself and I had finally reached my goal of 60kg. I was ecstatic! I finally did it! I was no longer the fat girl!
But I overdid it.
My best friend said I looked weak. My mom said I was too skinny.
But how could it be? I was still on the high-end of what was considered a ‘healthy’ weight for someone my height. I still wanted to lose more, but I somehow lost my mind trying to be too healthy.
At this point I was monitoring every single bite of food I ate, counting calories and steps, weighing portions and exercising excessively. I was eating between 1200–1400 calories a day, which isn’t enough when I was working out 6 days a week (sometimes twice a day). I was anxious and not sleeping well. I was moody and frustrated all the time. I was sick.
When COVID happened I was determined not to gain weight. I was determined to make sure that I could stay healthy and not cave to cravings and put on the weight I so desperately wanted to keep off.
But that’s not what was healthy.
I finally stopped. I listened to what my body needed an I took a break. I did yoga daily and pilates a few times a week until I started feeling normal. I was smiling and laughing again. I stopped weighing my portions and just ate when I felt hungry and I didn’t overeat.
I gained weight back. I put on about 7kg, but my body is functioning normally and I feel content. I don’t feel anxious if I eat a doughnut, I don’t feel like I need to run to the gym to work it off, because I know that it’s okay to eat something like that, just not necessarily everyday.
So this brings us to today. At most, I lost 43kg. My highest weight was around 100kg and my lowest was 57kg. I gained some weight back and I have some curves, but I can also lift heavy weights and do handstands!
(Disclaimer: All photos are originally of Heather Pandich from all her various travels! If you want to know more about the places leave a comment!)
I’m happy with to share a inspirational story of my friend.
Thanks 😊
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