I drank alcohol because I wanted to explore it.
I started drinking it more often to accompany my ex-husband - or in simple words, to please him.
Later, I drank to numb my depression and to sleep peacefully at night.
But it only made me weaker. Now, I regret it deeply. I curse myself for being so vulnerable. I had become a people-pleaser and lost my individuality. I thought I should always do what others would like. And in that process, I forgot my own likes and dislikes.
When things went haywire in my life, I couldn't handle it easily and sank into depression.
Now, I realise that slipping into depression is very easy, but working on it is not as tough as it feels at that time. Unfortunately, we are unable to comprehend this truth while we are in the middle of it.
We feel blank, directionless, and demotivated to work on ourselves.
But, here's the good news: it is possible to fight back. With just a little willpower and the desire to win, we can change our story.
In my case, alcohol, sleeping pills, and medicines didn't help me, but my willpower did - though it kept fluctuating. Sometimes it was high, sometimes very low. It was never consistent.
I wish I had realised earlier that I could improve things on my own. I wouldn't have been so drained.
But that's okay. It's never too late. I began channelising my energy into the right things - things that kept me engaged for hours and gave me hope to survive.
I read, I wrote, I walked alone, I spoke with like-minded people, and finally, I took actions in my favour.
And slowly, I began to heal.
So, if I could do it, you can too. If I could evolve from being vulnerable to stronger, you can too. If I could conquer adversity, you can too.
Get that willpower!
Thank you for reading.
Stay Calm!
Anshu.
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